Remember Why You Started
Monday started another week of shuffling through LinkedIn, Glassdoor, Jopwell and other various job boards. Another week of sending my resumé out into a black hole and crossing my fingers that this would be the "one." Monday started another week of asking for grace so that I would no longer have to dread hearing that "so, what are your plans for after graduation?" question. Luckily, Monday didn't end the way it started.
Usually when I take a Facebook break, the result is a couple of laughs and more than a couple of eye rolls. So when I clicked 'enter' on the domain and the familiar blue hue illuminated my face, I expected nothing different. "You have memories from this day," a notification informed me. I clicked the notification and was led to a video that I had posted back in 2011. Play.
It began with text "Sierra Lanae on...Accessories!" and background music that was very clearly playing from my cell phone. A fade to black brings another screen; bright eyed me, with a plastic pearl necklace and sitting at the corner of my old Detroit home's dining table. "B2B TV" was in the corner, reminding me of the series of videos I did in conjunction with the Bridge to Bliss in its early days.
I sat there looking at her - looking at me - with the whole world ahead of me, and a burning fervor to create. As tears welled in my eyes, I grew more and more nostalgic.
Looking at myself now, it's become easy to lose my way. While there is still a definite fire, there are many damp spots as well. The joy of editing photos repeatedly gets beaten by the paranoia of comparing Instagram likes. The fulfillment of writing oftentimes becomes overshadowed by eyeing Google Analytics every hour. That charm I've always had in filming and editing video footage, sucker punched by "low" views.
Slowly but surely, the bliss in Bridge to Bliss had withered thin.
I value the knowledge I've gained in journalism school. Fact checking and audience insight are among the many things I've learned since I started classes more than 3 years ago. But in the process, journalism boxed me in. In between memorizing AP Style rules and reciting New York Times headlines, I lost a part of me that made everything worth it. Yeah, I gained fancier editing software and a fancier vocabulary. But what have I lost in the process?
I posted that video in my Facebook memories six years ago, as a high school sophomore. I recorded the footage on the webcam of an old Dell laptop, edited everything in Windows Movie Maker, used my cell phone for background music, put a simple "B2B TV" in the most un-fancy Serif font, and uploaded it to whatever medium I had access. I had no bells and whistles, yet I made due. Because I loved creating that much. My cousin's "lmbooo," in the comments didn't even phase me because I was just that proud that I took an idea and made it happen.
After I finished watching the video, I went back in the archives of the blog to see some of my posts from that time. And beloved? Before #blkcreatives were #blkcreatives, before content was called content, before @BlackGirlsWhoBlog and all that jazz, I made it happen. I published television reviews, astrology essays, and Sweet 16 listicles, and more.
I stumbled across a specific blog from January 2011 that was clearly meant for February 2017 Sierra to see. "AS LONG AS I'M DOING WHAT I LOVE, THEN A CROWD ISN'T NEEDED" I wrote, addressing a blog hiatus. Who would've known that a 16-year-old me would be the bearer of the most succinct advice I've heard all year?
Who are you trying to impress?
Classmates? Professors? Potential employers? Other folks on Instagram and Twitter? Unfortunately, all of the above. It's been a burden - but what else could you expect from constantly trying to create for expectations?
I'm pressing the reset button. It's time for the aura of 10th grade Sierra to return. I'm done holding my creations to toxic standards for the sake of a forced aesthetic. Both my creations and I suffer. When I curate out of passion and a genuine love for the art, my product is better. Beyond anything, I know that I would bring advantageous skills to any company I choose to join. But that doesn't even matter. In the words of 10th grade Sierra, the reason I create is because it makes me happy. And my happiness > everything else.
Tell THAT to your HR manager.
---
Until next time,
XoXo
-Si
 |
| Pictured: Me, without a single worry about deadlines or cover letters |
Usually when I take a Facebook break, the result is a couple of laughs and more than a couple of eye rolls. So when I clicked 'enter' on the domain and the familiar blue hue illuminated my face, I expected nothing different. "You have memories from this day," a notification informed me. I clicked the notification and was led to a video that I had posted back in 2011. Play.
It began with text "Sierra Lanae on...Accessories!" and background music that was very clearly playing from my cell phone. A fade to black brings another screen; bright eyed me, with a plastic pearl necklace and sitting at the corner of my old Detroit home's dining table. "B2B TV" was in the corner, reminding me of the series of videos I did in conjunction with the Bridge to Bliss in its early days.
I sat there looking at her - looking at me - with the whole world ahead of me, and a burning fervor to create. As tears welled in my eyes, I grew more and more nostalgic.
Looking at myself now, it's become easy to lose my way. While there is still a definite fire, there are many damp spots as well. The joy of editing photos repeatedly gets beaten by the paranoia of comparing Instagram likes. The fulfillment of writing oftentimes becomes overshadowed by eyeing Google Analytics every hour. That charm I've always had in filming and editing video footage, sucker punched by "low" views.
Slowly but surely, the bliss in Bridge to Bliss had withered thin.
I value the knowledge I've gained in journalism school. Fact checking and audience insight are among the many things I've learned since I started classes more than 3 years ago. But in the process, journalism boxed me in. In between memorizing AP Style rules and reciting New York Times headlines, I lost a part of me that made everything worth it. Yeah, I gained fancier editing software and a fancier vocabulary. But what have I lost in the process?
I posted that video in my Facebook memories six years ago, as a high school sophomore. I recorded the footage on the webcam of an old Dell laptop, edited everything in Windows Movie Maker, used my cell phone for background music, put a simple "B2B TV" in the most un-fancy Serif font, and uploaded it to whatever medium I had access. I had no bells and whistles, yet I made due. Because I loved creating that much. My cousin's "lmbooo," in the comments didn't even phase me because I was just that proud that I took an idea and made it happen.
After I finished watching the video, I went back in the archives of the blog to see some of my posts from that time. And beloved? Before #blkcreatives were #blkcreatives, before content was called content, before @BlackGirlsWhoBlog and all that jazz, I made it happen. I published television reviews, astrology essays, and Sweet 16 listicles, and more.
I stumbled across a specific blog from January 2011 that was clearly meant for February 2017 Sierra to see. "AS LONG AS I'M DOING WHAT I LOVE, THEN A CROWD ISN'T NEEDED" I wrote, addressing a blog hiatus. Who would've known that a 16-year-old me would be the bearer of the most succinct advice I've heard all year?
Who are you trying to impress?
Classmates? Professors? Potential employers? Other folks on Instagram and Twitter? Unfortunately, all of the above. It's been a burden - but what else could you expect from constantly trying to create for expectations?
I'm pressing the reset button. It's time for the aura of 10th grade Sierra to return. I'm done holding my creations to toxic standards for the sake of a forced aesthetic. Both my creations and I suffer. When I curate out of passion and a genuine love for the art, my product is better. Beyond anything, I know that I would bring advantageous skills to any company I choose to join. But that doesn't even matter. In the words of 10th grade Sierra, the reason I create is because it makes me happy. And my happiness > everything else.
Tell THAT to your HR manager.
---
Until next time,
XoXo
-Si
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