A Letter for Kay: Advice to New College Students

Here's a wild fact: I graduate in less than a week. And even though I've known that fact for a while now (except, maybe, right before my econ final), it's still not real enough. I still cannot fathom how these last four years flew by but at the same time went excruciatingly slow.

It's been a hell of a ride, let me tell you. Northwestern was my dream school for as long as I can remember. I applied early decision because there was never another option for me, honestly. I wanted to go to the best journalism school, despite snarky remarks from classmates insinuating that I wasn't good enough. And when I got in, honey, excited was an understatement.

I started my first day of college in 2013. And now I'll be walking across a stage to get this expensinve diploma in a week. I can't say it's all been pleasant - because it hasn't. It's been a tough ride many days, some I wondered if this day would ever come. Some I felt so isolated and alone that I felt there were no foreseeable paths to progress. But there have also been beautiful days when I've felt the warmth of strong community/ies. When I knew I made the right choice in Northwestern.

Here's another wild fact: My sister starts college in two months. That might be more shocking to me than the first wild fact. Because, yes duh, my sister grows as any human being...but she's my sister. She's not just any human being, she so happens to be one of my favorites. And she's going to college! Time, what are you doing?! 

Her at prom!

She'll be attending Bowling Green State University this fall, and while at her first year orientation yesterday, I thought of the connections of our relative journeys. This week, but especially yesterday, I've been thinking about what advice I'd give her as she goes into the next four or so years of her life, and what I truly take away from my college experience to be able to coherently pass on to her. Here's what I've got.

1. Have a plan, but be flexible: Because while the plan will allow you to navigate your new spaces with a little more confidence, most of that plan will get tossed by this thing called life. And when life tosses it, freaking out is the least helpful response. Take it all in, think about your next steps, and keep moving forward. 
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2. Reach out for help, and try to be a help to others: This one I can't stress enough. A lot of us assume that moving on to college means we need to have more of 'it' together. The honest truth is, 'it' is going to take some time to get to. Because 'it' is a process, not a sprint. Don't be like me and take half of your time refusing help from others and ultimately pushing them away. Ask for help when you need it. Also, reach out to people! When you ask someone "how are you?" it'd be great if you actually meant it. Be help just to be a help, not to get anything back.
3. Communicate! Use your words!: I doubt this is just a phenomenon of students at Northwestern. Passive aggressiveness has probably plagued most college campuses. And for what? Toxic and unhealthy forms of communication are terrible for anyone involved. If you don't want your roommate to put her bag on your side of the room? SAY IT. If you have an idea for the student group you're in that doesn't align with someone else's idea, SAY IT. Say it respectfully, of course, but my goodness please just say it. Because your body language is going to say it anyway, and no one wants that awkwardness. Practice healthy communication early and often.
4. Slow tf down: College is four years, but it'll probably feel like three. And when you rush it, you'll make it feel like one and a half. So don't rush it. Take the experiences and give yourself time to process them and think through them. Enjoy those late nights. Yes, you want to finish, but if you speed past everything, will 'just finishing,' be worth it? The answer to that is no, by the way. Take your time. You won't get it back.
5. Curate your circle like an Instagram feed: You know how bloggers do it (and if you don't, follow me on Instagram). My brand is constantly evolving for the better. My Instagram feed is anything but static. I'm always saving another inspirational quote, analyzing my algorithm, seeing which aesthetics look good together, etc. We should all be doing the same when it comes to our friendships. Don't get static. Make sure they are always evolving for the better as well. If a relationship stops serving the parties involved, don't wait until it's too late to cut it. If you notice someone being there for you when you need it, actively keep them around. Relationships of all kind need work, because chemistry alone won't do it. Keep that in mind. 
6. Don't forget YOUR reason(s): The reason I capitalized 'your,' is because that distinction is important. Not your parents' reason(s). Not your professor's. Not even your big sister's. YOUR reasons will be the foundation that keep you going when the going gets tough. If you find that you're doing this for someone else, it won't be worth it. So don't do it for anyone else. Do it for yourself and remember why you're doing it, whether it's for hireability or making connections or whatever. 
7. Eat, sleep, shower, repeat: This might sound like unnecessary common sense to anyone who hasn't spent extensive time on a college campus, but the rest of y'all know exactly where I'm coming from. When those research papers and group projects fall off, it's easy to drop priorities of basic self care. It becomes sexy to brag about "I haven't slept since..." or "Haha I ate [this terrible thing] for breakfast haha." Newsflash: that ain't funny. Take care of yourself, fam. Put yourself over everything, even that paper due at midnight. 
8. Let your summer breathe: Please don't put pressure on yourself to have some impressive internship every summer. Summer break is a break for a reason. If you get an internship? Great! But allow yourself the time to debrief from the previous school year as you mentally and physically prepare for the next. 
9. Be your own solid rock: Yes, you're going to make new friends in college. And cherish them, to be honest, because they'll be the ones that you keep. But, and especially as you grow, you cannot lose yourself in the midst of crossing different personalities. Don't depend on others to hold you down with no extent, because they have to save some of their juice for themselves as well. And there's nothing wrong with that. I guess this is just an extension to the earlier self care one, but you wouldn't imagine how hard self care can be at times. So please keep yourself as your #1. 
10. Well...

I didn't do a number 10, because I'd love to hear from others on some advice you'd give my sister and other students starting college this year (or coming years). What are your do's, don'ts and everything in between? I'd love if you drop your tips in the comments.

Until next time,

XoXo
Si